Facebook Hates Me

There are one and a half billion Facebook users in the world. Commentator Adrian Ma is one of them, and he wants out.

 

MA: I would say that I hate Facebook, but most of the time, it feels like Facebook hates me. How do I explain it? Facebook is the only place in life where the more friends I get, the more I feel like a loser.   Every minute I’m logged on, I’m being bombarded pictures of parties I didn’t attend, vacations I can’t afford, and lovingly poured lattes I didn’t drink. And that infinite stream of humblebrags and earnest declarations of feeling “hashtag-soblessed,” is enough to even the most self-assured person question their very existence.   2013 University of Michigan study found the more time a person spends on Facebook, the more likely that person is to feel depressed afterwards. And psychologists say the main reason for this is that the Facebook is basically a never-ending exercise in social comparison.   Spending hours a weeks watching an endless stream of carefully curated online personas does a number on your ego. And yet, I can’t stop using it. Because every time somebody LIKES my post …. or sends me a message…   (SOUND: bloop ping)   … I’ll admit it… I get a little buzz... And if you’ve ever found yourself late at night, compulsively checking and rechecking your feed instead of sleeping, then you know exactly what I mean.   Now, I’ll admit, Facebook isn’t all bad. It’s an easy way to keep tabs on friends who you’ve maybe lost touch with. But lately, even those interactions can feel shallow and weird. For example, a friend in real life told you she’d just had a kid, would your first reaction really be to give them a thumbs up?   All of this got me thinking: maybe I’d be better off just quitting Facebook completely. If I want to catch up with friends that I haven’t spoken to in a while, I can just give them a call, right? Well, on a recent Monday night, I decided to put that theory to the test.   (SOUND: fade in music … ringing … )   MA: First, I called Caitlin, who I’ve known since I was six years old.

CAITLIN

Hello you’ve reached Caitlin Beane please leave a message …

MA

Hey Caitlin, It’s Adrian, long time no talk …

 

(SOUND: crossfade into next line)   MA: Then I tried Jenny, an old highschool friend. We actually went to prom together.

JENNY

Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you.  (beep)

MA

Hey Jenny, it’s Adrian. mh, I hope y It’s like Monday eve, just wanted to call …

 

(SOUND: crossfade into next line)   MA: Finally, I called Alex, one of my closest friends from college.

ALEX

… please leave your name and phone number and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible …

MA

Hey what’s up buddy, know we have spoke in a while so wanted to uh … —

MACHINE

We didn’t get your message either because you were not speaking or because of a bad connection …

MA

(sighs)

MACHINE

… Goodbye!

 

MA: So much for the catch-up phone call. Maybe it’s not just Facebook that hates me.   HOST: That’s commenter Adrian Ma and he apparently doesn’t know you can make phone calls on Facebook.

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